Tuesday, February 2, 2016

"June" (2015) Oh Look, An Evil Kid with Black Eyes!



The Trailer:

Director: L. Gustavo Cooper
Cast: Kennedy Brice, Eddie Jemison, Victoria Pratt, & Casper Van Dien
Synopsis: June (Kennedy Brice), a young orphan with a bizarre past, is adopted by Dave (Casper Van Dien) and Lily (Victoria Pratt). But when things begin to go awry, they start to wonder if the adoption is really what they want.

Oh man, what a shitfest. There is not one moment where June is remotely scary. If you're looking for a terrible horror film then this meets all the requirements. Let me see there's bad acting, a dumb story, slow beyond belief, no excitement, a constant build-up with no climax, oh and the cherry on top, an evil child whose eyes go black from time to time. What a bore! I know the horror genre is so hard to get into as, literally, everything has been done already. There's little room for new voices in horror. But as an avid horror fan, let me plead with you future horror directors, writers, whatevers, STOP MAKING FILMS THAT HAVE ALREADY BEEN DONE BEFORE!! Anyways onto the movie review...

The plot, story line, whatever you want to call it is atrocious. My satan, this could be a lifetime movie. Title it "An Evil Adoption" and it will be shown on LMN every October. There is no originality. To summarize, there's this girl June, who has been in a slew of other foster homes which she has been removed from due to strange accidents that occur, accidents that June claims to be caused by her imaginary friend Aer (pronounced Airy). It is shown very early on that she has does indeed possess some kind of magical power that can hurt people, though she doesn't mean to. Finally her case worker, Victor Emmanuel (Eddie Jemison), puts her with a loving family looking to adopt in hopes that she'll finally find a happy home. Everything is going as to be expected: a little awkward as June, Dave, and Lily get to know one another. As things begin to get better, June, or Aer to be exact, begins to hurt Dave. That's when things start to get out of hand and rift is formed between Dave and Lily as he wants to send June back to the agency and Lily wants to keep her. Lifetime movie material, am I right? This is the basic plot, but also included in this unlucky find are cults, strange witchcraft, the use of gusts of wind to signal the presence of something evil, the sound of flies to indicate when June is about to use her powers, and floating objects. Oh let me stop there so you can catch your breath from all that terror (that's sarcasm for those who can't see it dripping from my words). There's also an anticlimactic twist that explains everyone's true motives in June's adoption, but by that point I didn't even care about that, I just wanted the movie to be over. Oh, another random but useless feature is the use of a voice-over in various events of the movie, but for a while it was unclear who was talking. And really, it was pointless, there was no need for anyone to narrate and/or share their thoughts about said various events. Adding to the boring, played out plot, is the horrid acting, which I mentioned earlier. Again, this fits into my theory that this could easily be played on Lifetime or LMN. Actually,nope, that is an insult to Lifetime, as they've had a fair share of decent horror films so I won't even say that. And you know, really, the biggest reason why June is so disappointing to me is that for a while it feels like there is a lot of build up towards a grandiose ending, but there is no pay off. The end is flat and lacking any excitement. It's just shit ending, and then it's done. *Sigh* Truly, there are only two good aspects of June that I can think of: the score and the visual effects. The score is reminiscent of 80's horror film scores, with the nice piano sounds and some synth thrown in, it's nice but frankly a waste on this movie. And the visuals and CGI look amazing and expertly done, yet there are just dumb effects. Like lightning bolts shooting from June to harm someone, they're just silly.

Overall this isn't a great horror in any sense of the word. I was never scared, not even once. If you want to watch an evil kid movie, I'd say skip this one. It's not worth the watch and I'm angry for having wasted my time on it. I suppose it could have been done better, but since this evil-kid adoption formula has already been done before a number of times, I doubt it. So would I recommend it? Nope, not a chance. Would I watch it again? Watch what again? This ridiculous movie has already floated off into the ether, out of my memory forever.

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